Archive for the random rants Category

not even a real state

Posted in random rants on August 19, 2008 by whenispark

that’s right, i said it.  it’s not.  they don’t even have trees there.  and don’t tell me they do, because they don’t.  those “trees” are fake.  imported.  and don’t bother trying to take pictures of it, because i will know they are either fake trees or that the picture is from another state.

rachie is moving to oklahoma city.  barf.



Posted in medicine, random rants, the home life on August 15, 2008 by whenispark

i have not washed my hair in two days, which can only mean one thing… i have officially immersed myself in studying for my step 2 of boards.  my immediate family would probably remember this time well last summer when i did something similar for step 1.  my entire life was a routine until i took that test.  fortunately, step 2 is a little more laid back, but it still means i am dedicating long hours to studying.  i sit at my desk for hours upon hours with the occasional break intermixed.  i do practice question after practice question until i am so antsy to get away from my computer that i start getting 40%’s on my quizzes.  that’s my heralding sign that it’s time to stop.

unlike step 1, a time when my only thought was to study, step 2 is overshadowed by every aspect of fourth year:  fourth year electives, residency programs, letters of recommendation, oh my.  there are still a million things i need to do while studying for this exam.  then in my personal life, which isn’t filled so much with personal things, i still have obligations… my e-check status is particular is looming over my head.  sigh.  all i want to do is a study and get this done with.


Posted in medicine, random rants on August 14, 2008 by whenispark

i know i’ve been bad.  but soon, i will be more regular on this bad boy.  unfortunately, it’s that time of year again – and you wouldn’t know what time of year it is because i didn’t have this thing during this time of year.

i won’t try and write all my recent experiences on one post, but will hopefully feature a whole bunch of mini-ones.

let’s start with the end of peds:  thank god it’s over.  while most of my reviews were positive, i have those few laughable ones where those craptacular residents i mentioned gave my  shiteous reviews.  really it was only one review, but she was such a wench that she mad it a pretty bad one.  it’s not even worth reiterating what she didn’t like about me, because it was actually just that she didn’t like me.  she didn’t work with me enough to how i did on the floors, but she was damn sure that i was just actin’ too big for my britches.  that’s right, i said britches.

despite all her best efforts, i managed to wow the clerkship director, who told me that if i honored the shelf i would honor the rotation.  given my previous history, i simply told her that wasn’t gonna happen, but i appreciate her letting me know.  not something you usually say to your clerkship director, but you know…i have spent an entire year busting my ass….why on earth would i start honoring the shelves now?  those tests are set up to reward the students who sit in the library with one thumb up their ass and the other one turning the page of their text book when they should be on the floors interacting with patients.  but i’m not bitter. 

i say that with all humor, because i am not.  i have an invaluable experiences this year that i would not trade for a couple of points on some stupid meaningless test.  i still don’t have the shelf grade yet, but i will say it’s unlikely i honored.  i walked out of it feeling the way i did after family – as in, hey maybe i did honor it… 1 week later – nope.   i’m gonna assume it will just be a repeat.  and honestly, it doesn’t make a difference this year.  it would be one thing if i honored all the shelves or honored a couple, but to suddenly manage one, it’s like, meh big deal.  it looks more like a lucky break than by my own efforts (and it probably would be).

nevertheless, peds is over and i am overjoyed.

financial aid

Posted in random rants on July 23, 2008 by whenispark

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, i hate it!  i hate every aspect of it and i can’t flippin’ wait until i no longer have to do this shit and all i have to do is pay back my craptacular amount of loans.  Aa;sklfj [p39o48 ;oidsjm.

and the good lord said, let there be ajay

Posted in random rants on July 14, 2008 by whenispark

that’s pronounced “ah-jay”.  pretty much my new best friend. 

i will just try to summarize all of the horribleness that commenced upon my leaving florida after the fourth of july weekend.  it was like god being angry that i had the gall to finally have some spontaneity and fun.  almost immediately after florida, i became sick.  it was pretty nonspecific, clearly something viral:  sore throat that added a stuffy nose, runny nose, and lastly, a cough.  but i was all like, you know what, i just spent two weeks on outpt peds, it’s not because god hates me.  it’s because little monsters called children hate me.  how dare they share their diseased respiratory droplets. 

on tuesday, i felt so disgusting and sick, i left my shift in the peds e.d. early.  i left early only to go home, check my shelf score and realize i missed honoring by 1 point.  1…fucking…point.  that equates to 1…fucking…question.  i’m still very bitter.  very bitter.  the bitterness was not helped because after being sorely depressed due to sickness and now the most rotten shelf score ever (as in, it would have been easier to just miss it by a lot), i just went to bed only to wake up and find my internet not working.  after hours, then days of trying to get it to work, i find out my ethernet card is probably fried.

great – so:  the list at this point:

1. sick

2. shelf

3. internet

moving on –  our family dog finally goes off the deep end and develops explosive diarrhea in the house at 14 years old and we determine it’s time to put her down.  dr. f tried to prep me on how much it sucks, but no matter how bad you expect it to be to watch that, it’s worse.

lastly, after making a trek all the way down to cbus, i manage to drain my car battery for the millionth time.

5 wonderful things, and i know i’m forgetting some.  needless to say, i’ve been rather bummed lately. 

however, it all turned around when i told ajay the crap going on with my computer – so you know what he does…takes me to a place to get a cheap ethernet card (i didn’t want to wait to order one by mail that was cheaper), puts it in my computer, fixes it after it still didn’t work, PLUS fixed my 5 year old problem of not having a functioning cd burner which all told cost me 25 dollars.

so like i said, next to jesus, there is ajay, or as i call him, the…um…brown devil.

a high school reunion

Posted in random rants, tangential/circumferential, the home life on June 8, 2008 by whenispark

ah, nothing like meeting up with some people from high school. 

i was supposed to spend some time with my friends from hs, linds and ash when i got kind of tired.  i bailed and told them have fun.  they text me telling me, hey, we’re going to MM’s, you should come.  i keep saying no, but then some of the boys there, get a hold of my number, and i realize there is a zero percent chance of me getting any work done. 

here’s a roster for you (rach):  shane b., matt m., shane s., and mike m.  some of those you won’t know, but the most entertaining one is the first, one rachel will most certainly know.  SB was the most popular boy in school, and consequently, the most obnoxious.  from grades 7-10 he teased me incessantly, sometimes to the point of meanness.  then there was a turning point in 11th grade and he was nice.  i never bothered trying to figure out why, because i never cared. 

if we go forward a couple years, bri and i go out and run into him and his buds.  bri had always been better friends with them, but i never had much inclination for anyone in hs.  we hung out with them, and at the end of the night, he asks me to “make out” with him.  barf.  i simply say, i have a boyfriend, and all of a sudden he’s like ‘oh well, i didn’t mean it, i have a girlfriend, i’m loyal.’  this is why i have so little faith in boys and relationships and marriage.

so the other night, telling him about a story from 7th grade regarding his poor treatment of me (cause i hold the power now, dammit), and after his interspersed “sweethearts” (barf again), the conversation goes something like this:

“oh well maybe i had a crush on you.”

“or maybe i always gave you a good reaction to keep you going”

“maybe, but i could have had a crush on you.”

“i doubt it.”

people do that kind of thing to atone for the past in hopes that they have a chance in the future.  it’s sickeningly obvious and if i didn’t transmit it well through this post, then i apologize, but that was the ploy.  around the time all of these people started getting drunk and disgusting (like commenting on my boobs and other such nonsense), i left along with my friends.  it makes me look back and thank god i never wasted time in high school trying to hang out with people like them.  it makes me so much happy that i spent time with my best friends and family and didn’t waste a moment on that drama.

it’s kind of sad to see such a legacy (albeit highschool legacy), become so pathetic.

“let’s call it as it is”

Posted in medicine, random rants on June 6, 2008 by whenispark

dicussing the topic of a working up an abnormal pap, i noted a couple concepts we didn’t quite go over.  i started asking about “CIN I” and how to work it up after you reach a certain point on the diagnostic and management algorithm.   CIN = cervical intraepithelial neoplasia – it’s basically what happens when you get one of the nasty hpv viruses (16, 18, the 30s, etc) and can’t fight it off yourself.   i should also preface this story with the fact that i pronounce acronyms, so CIN is “sin” – sort of ironic when you are talking about what is considered a sexually transmitted infection. 

“so after a patient has a repeat pap after their biopsy shows ‘sin’ one – er, i guess i shouldn’t say that, i could really offend someone.” 

you know what a classmate’s response was (albeit joking – still not funny)?

“oh come on, let’s call it like it is.”

normally, this is the type of joke i might laugh at.   what makes this person’s joke not funny, is the person who made it.  she is one of my best friends (although a little less so now), who has known about my trials and tribulations when i went through having an abnormal pap, which was positive for hpv.  this was followed by a colposcopy and one biopsy (which made me hope it wouldn’t turn out bad), and was found to have probably CIN 2, which is moderate dysplasia.  then i underwent a leep, which is where they burn off half your cervix, which was a tough decision because it increases your risk for cervical incompetence (but the other option was worse).  cervical incompetence means my cervix in the future may not be able to support the weight of a baby and i will have an increased risk of preterm labor and miscarriage.  awesome.  

this ‘friend’ knew all this.  it doesn’t help that she has also lived an absurdly sheltered life.  she was married to her high school sweetheart and didn’t have sex until marriage.  she has never had that person cheat on her with another person – and her greatest difficulty in life is her mother driving her nuts, her husband being in another state, and now, she’s pregnant (although that garners less sympathy because it was secondary to her supreme laxity with birth control pills).   living this sheltered life, she continually makes inappropriate jokes around attendings and other people in general, such that she is bound to offend someone.  me in this case, but everytime she does it, i try and suggest her watching what she says.  she just brushes it off. 

well, that’s all fine and good, but i refuse to tolerate that kind of behavior.  no friend of mine has ever said anything so disrespectful or thoughtless regarding a disease i will probably have to worry about for the rest of my life.  a disease 60% of the population is able to fight off, but my body is apparently unable to (probably a lot to do with life stress). 

call it like it is?  okay:

people who contract hpv are not whores, and it’s not a sin to have hpv.  all it takes is to date a guy who has had sex with multiple partners, or basically anyone who has had sex with more than person.  it could be 2 people. your whole life.  or just one but that person was with more than 1.  that’s it.   and what super sucks?  you can’t test for it in doods.

and we definitely do not need future doctors out there propagating the social stigma related to it, when parents are already up in arms about the possible implications of giving their daughters the gardasil vaccine when it has the chance to spare a woman the stress and anguish of cervical cancer or its precursors.