time flies

it’s almost frightening how quickly time has passed me by.  only 3 months ago i was panicking over submitting my common application form on eras – what if there is a typo, did i remember all of my extra curriculars, did i properly cite all of my research, etc.  not 1 week later, i was compulsively checking my e-mail and the eras website waiting to hear back from programs.  time went too quickly – i had the opportunity to start interviewing in october, but couldn’t bear the thought of starting that phase of my life.  my first interview did end up beginning in mid-november, but i was grossly unprepared compared to now… i hadn’t really wanted to start.  even now i approach most of my interviews with dread.  i hate even the thought of smiling when i don’t feel like it, or laughing at a joke i don’t think is that funny.  i hate asking questions i don’t care about regarding topics that won’t actually influence my decision to go to a residency.  so, inevitable, my disdain for these actions has led to me 1. not doing them 2. cringing when i see others doing them.

i have also become extremely cynical about the whole process.  there are three areas that are continually commented on in my application: 1. my boards scores (i guess i should have figured – they are very nice) 2. letters of recommendation 3. research.  and while these are nice, why comment on them?  i hate when i feel like they don’t even care about what i have to say, but are salivating for me to come to their program because my score on step 2 is bitchin’.  yes, bitchin’.  but ultimately, i would rather talk about my life, my hobbies, everything except medicine.  it has consumed my life for so long.

and on that same note, i still dread the progression of time.  i think about how i have spent my entire life in school and studying. what will i do when i am responsible for patients.  a real job.  people dependent on me.   no more winter and summer and spring vacations.  today is only one more reminder of those things as my month in the ed comes to a close.  

it has been a pretty entertaining month – although sometimes i am extremely bored and all i can think about is how much i want to leave.  today was not one of those days fortunately.  it was a wonderful way to end the month, especially since i was able to spend tonight’s shift working with my favorite e.d. resident.

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One Response to “time flies”

  1. I have definitely become a bit cynical about this process as well! (I’m also applying in Ob/Gyn.) Half the time they are so excited about what they have read on paper about me, that they spend the interview asking what they need to say to convince me to come to their program. As much as I know I’m interviewing them, it’d be nice to get to talk about some interesting topics, not perfecting my own questioning skills. I had one interview at Duke and one at Northwestern that was off the beaten path. I really felt like they got to know me as an entire person.

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