er barbie

oh you bet – that’s the nickname i got last night, nicely given to me by a patient.   i won’t write about all the patients i have, but i will definitely always share the highlights.  the fascinating part about working the night shift is what comes out of the cracks.  there is the woman who comes in faking being sick – as in, she put on makeup to white for her skin, pretended to have terrible abdominal pain, and somehow managed to get her hands on some blood. 

you might ask why i think she’s faking…well i didn’t at first.  she was just that good.   she jumped from hospital to hospital that night just hoping for some kind of attention.  then a nurse noticed her putting on makeup to light for her skin – now girls, you all know that you buy makeup too dark.  it is the rare girl that severely underestimates the darkness of her skin.  this woman knew it would make her look sicker.  then she claimed she had been bleeding profusely from her vajay…but when we did the exam…nothing.  her urine? absolutely negative.

she wasn’t my favorite patient of the night though.  that award goes to the woman who walked miles  after being bit by a pitbull (her boyfriend’s i might add).  how do i find her? with her pants off (fair enough – told to take them off), but her gown free flowing.  she doesn’t seem to have a care in the world despite the fact i can see her gastrocnemius (that big calf muscle).  once we finally get her laying down so i can suture her up, she at some point tells me i am adorable and that i am an er barbie…awesome.  the doc i work with obviously thought this was hilarious, so i can only pray it doesn’t stick.  nevertheless, she was amusing. the whole time we’re jabbing her with the syringe to numb her up with some lidocaine, she’s just jabbering away about lord knows what.  she kept refering to the other medical student as the brawny man (partly my fault as i did ask her if she thought he looked like the brawny man).  it took about a half hour to get this thing all stitched up, and the whole time she didn’t complain a bit – although that could have been the drugs she was likely doped up on… whatever, still a good patient.

like i said, never a dull day in portion of the hospital – something that makes me a little happier every day with my likely profession.  unless there is some major turn in opinion, i have a feeling this badboy will stick.

more stories to come


One Response to “er barbie”

  1. dude… you should put the punctuation in “e.r.”… the way you wrote it I thought it said “er barbie” (pronounced like “her” without the “h”)…

    maybe it is just me though… I used to think that your blog title was “whenis park” (pronounced like “penis” only with a “w”)

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