a high school reunion

ah, nothing like meeting up with some people from high school. 

i was supposed to spend some time with my friends from hs, linds and ash when i got kind of tired.  i bailed and told them have fun.  they text me telling me, hey, we’re going to MM’s, you should come.  i keep saying no, but then some of the boys there, get a hold of my number, and i realize there is a zero percent chance of me getting any work done. 

here’s a roster for you (rach):  shane b., matt m., shane s., and mike m.  some of those you won’t know, but the most entertaining one is the first, one rachel will most certainly know.  SB was the most popular boy in school, and consequently, the most obnoxious.  from grades 7-10 he teased me incessantly, sometimes to the point of meanness.  then there was a turning point in 11th grade and he was nice.  i never bothered trying to figure out why, because i never cared. 

if we go forward a couple years, bri and i go out and run into him and his buds.  bri had always been better friends with them, but i never had much inclination for anyone in hs.  we hung out with them, and at the end of the night, he asks me to “make out” with him.  barf.  i simply say, i have a boyfriend, and all of a sudden he’s like ‘oh well, i didn’t mean it, i have a girlfriend, i’m loyal.’  this is why i have so little faith in boys and relationships and marriage.

so the other night, telling him about a story from 7th grade regarding his poor treatment of me (cause i hold the power now, dammit), and after his interspersed “sweethearts” (barf again), the conversation goes something like this:

“oh well maybe i had a crush on you.”

“or maybe i always gave you a good reaction to keep you going”

“maybe, but i could have had a crush on you.”

“i doubt it.”

people do that kind of thing to atone for the past in hopes that they have a chance in the future.  it’s sickeningly obvious and if i didn’t transmit it well through this post, then i apologize, but that was the ploy.  around the time all of these people started getting drunk and disgusting (like commenting on my boobs and other such nonsense), i left along with my friends.  it makes me look back and thank god i never wasted time in high school trying to hang out with people like them.  it makes me so much happy that i spent time with my best friends and family and didn’t waste a moment on that drama.

it’s kind of sad to see such a legacy (albeit highschool legacy), become so pathetic.

our closest neighbor returns

if you have lived here on hile, than you know better than anyone else who that is – however, with my being rather vague – you (as in rachel) will simply go ‘doh’ and slap your hand to your forehead.  i am speaking of mama robin as i call her, who, as far as i can remember, has made her annual summer vacation home above our back deck light.  every year, after she leaves, we don’t bother to clean up her old nest, hoping to help her out a little next year.  just in case, we also leave all her and her babies’ bird poop.  you just never know.

today was especially exciting though – today the babies were born!  and at the risk of having my eyes pecked out, i pulled out one of our island chairs and snuck some pictures.  and by snuck, i mean under the horrified eye of mama robin, who occasionally swooped in to intimidate me.  thus – to share the joy, i have attached the following pictures of these super cute, yet very alien looking baby robins. 

hodgepodge

really the only reason i am writing is to procrastinate studying the physical exam of the hip and pelvis.  the doctor i work for insisted that i read this book, and while informative, it is most certainly dry.  i have since tried every form of procrastination, yet i am too efficient with procrastinating, so i am down to my final method, which is clearly writing in this blog.  i don’t have much of the book left, but it’s enough.

today, i didn’t go to church.  which to many, you might be like, so?  but i have gone pretty religiously (ha) since i started dating my boyfriend.  the last couple months i have been more deliquent, but i just haven’t wanted to go, and i am of the attitude that if you don’t want to do something, generally you shouldn’t.  (as proven by the fact that i don’t want to read this book).  mostly i didn’t go today because the church i like is a half hour away.  there is a closer one about 3 minutes away but i hate that hippie church with their guitars and tambourines.  nonsense.  how can you possible focus when someone is going to town on a tambourine?

yesterday i had the distinct honor of draining the biggest abscess i have seen yet.  there is nothing more gratifying than draining an abscess filled with pus.  numb up the area with some lidocaine, go at them with an 11 blade (aka an exact-o knife) and have fun squeezing that baby open.  pack it with some gauze and send the poor soul out.  i love it.

adios hyperlipidemia

as i sit in my office typing this, i am in a mini state of bliss – the sun is still shining, my window is open, and birds are chirping.   From my vantage point, i can see the buds forming on the elms across the street…the beginnings of spring. 

i still remember my decision to start paying attention to spring.  when i was younger, as in a teenage, one day there would leaves on the trees.  i was oblivious up until that point and it bugged me that i had missed all that time in between.  Now, at least once a week, i take a moment to eval the trees and make a mental note of their progress.

i am still waiting for that period of time where we don’t have rain.  then i rake the leaves from last fall and make chewkie clean up all the dog poo he has neglected for so long. 

 why else is today glorious? why, today was my last day of fp.  it was short and sweet, and i didn’t have to do clinic today after all…i couldn’t ask for more.  and i basically wrote my own evaluation, so i already know what it will say.  if i honor this test, i’ll honor the rotation, but trust me, this one isn’t getting her hopes up.

although, psych wasn’t a total loss.  sure, i didn’t do well on the test, which is completely not what i expected (again SAD, that bastard).  despite doing bleh on the test, the course director wrote some great comments on my eval and gave me some great marks – it made me feel better knowing that my work on the floors hadn’t gone unnoticed.

 that’s all… i am taking a nap now.

take THAT subway

subway used to be my go to for cheap and healthy fast food.  i always ordered the veggie 6 inch on wheat with provolone with everything on it except for cucumbers (and a special request for spinach).  no condiments just salt and pepper.  this delicious feast would cost me all of 2.99.  and then then unthinkable.   one day i walk in and it’s 3.29.  outrageous.  

 i decided it would just be easier for me to make my own.  i went to the big ge, and bought all the ingredients i would need plus “sausage rolls” which are really just 6 inch buns that are better than those crappy hotdog buns.  all told my total was 13 dollars. that will make me 6 subs…but when i’m ready and i buy my other 6 buns, bringing my total to 16 dollars, i am now making equivalent subs for 1.35-1.50 per sub, less than half the cost of subway.

additionally, i streamlined the process.  my start up cost was 5 dollars because i purchased a veggie tray container.  i cut up all my ingredients and placed them in there.  now, it actually takes me less time and money than if i were to go to subway.

i win.

they don’t teach common sense

when you have two diet cokes sitting on your desk (because to hell with giving up soda when you’re this close to that special time of the month), and you’re not sure which one is the one you brought home today, you have several options to discover which one is the pop you want. 

1.  taste both

2.  shake them and see which fizzes the most

i tried both.  i opened bottle one, tasted it, and it seemed flat.  still unconvinced, i took bottle two and shook it.  ‘well that seems fizzy’ i think to myself.  to be sure, let’s taste it.  right after i shook it.  i think we can all guess what happened.

didn’t know where to start

the past week or so has been rough.  for a multitude of reasons, i have been severely sad.  i think a lot of it has to do with the stress my brother causes me.  his continual inconsideracy has, on more than one occasion, pushed me to looking up alternative places to live. 

how has he been inconsiderate?  it’s been a bunch of little things that have added up.  one little one might not have bothered me, but when you stack them up, the load breaks my strength.  i have spent 2.5 years in medical school, and i question that there has been a time that i have been more stressed out.  i have managed every year with ease.  i know it’s not a matter of being this year either.  before my mother left, i was doing just fine.  during surgery when i was rarely home, i was just fine.  now, on the easiest rotation of the year, i am breaking down.   the amount of stress and responsibility put on me is overwhelming.

i am notoriously matt’s “second mom”, which is always a good joke, but when push comes to shove – i am not actually his second mother, nor have i ever wanted that responsibility.  i don’t want to tell him to clean, i don’t want to tell him to pay people back, i don’t want to check to make sure he’s awake in the morning, i don’t want to worry about him going to court.  this f-ing ridiculous.  i don’t want to answer calls from my father regarding matt not answering his telephone.

what i want, is to spend my time studying when i am home, and studying in peace – apparently another luxury in this household.  The day brandon moves out, that tv is going downstairs, because i cannot stand the congregation of people in the living room, right outside the room i study.  i have told my mother that i will not tolerate having a fourth roommate who i don’t know.  i know cougar steve a little, but that’s about it.  i have reports that he’s clean, which for me, would be a miracle.  however, i would rather pay extra rent than take on another person, which i definitely explained to my mother.

 my concern for her is the continued unreliability of these guys.  all i can ask of her is to put her house on the market, put in laminate floors in the common rooms, fresh carpetting in the bedrooms, and hope the house sells.  she could pay matt and i to repaint neutral colors.  i have no doubt of my ability to handle an apartment on my own, and at this point, i don’t really give a rats ass what matt does.  i know of some new apartments that take dogs (aka delilah) and i’ll peace out.

i have only reassured my mom that i’m not going to bail on her and put her in a lurch.  i will have to talk more formally with her regarding putting the house on the market.  i don’t know what’s involved in selling a house, but if she’s willing to put it up now, by the time summer rolls around she might have  sale.  hopefully, she’ll just read this blog and i can save myself a phone call.

i told you so

no phrase could be more satisfying than the speaker and more irritating to the listener, but as i relished saying it, joseph, my boyfriend of some made up time, handled hearing it with grace.  the scenario that elicited it consisted of joseph buying two bottles of patron tequila and giving them to my brother, dubbing the ensuing party the “patron party”.  this, of course, was all done with my grudgingly given permission, which was only done because of the incessant requests. 

as you can already imagine, i was thoroughly annoyed with the whole event, but knowing that i would be, i set the plans for joseph and i to go out for the evening, only to return when the event was in full swing.  i knew if i had the opportunity to get away and spend some relaxing time out of the house, i would be able to better cope with the choas i would face when i arrived home.  that was exactly how it played out.

we had a really wonderful dinner together, which is nothing particularly new.  he and i have yet to hit that rocky patch and have only had a few potholes along the road.  some might say that it’s due to the distance, but usually that’s a reason to fight as evidenced by my previous, horrible relationship that will not be spoken of beyond vague references.  nevertheless, after our time together, we returned home knowing there would be a multitude of people there.

whenever i come home to a party, there is that instant irritation that begins with seeing other people’s cars in my driveway.  i walk inside to see people congregating in the kitchen, but there are still few people at the house yet.  we play with the dogs, play some guitar hero, and retreat to my room.  the final blow of irritation involved: 1. seeing approximately 4 tramps walk in the house  2. see several of them attempt to use my bathroom.  how did i know their sexual promiscuity?  it was based on the sole observation of being able to see the full outline of one of the girl’s butt cheeks through the huge whole in her jeans she cut out.  this wasn’t some seductive whole in the jean to show the back of the leg – this was full on ass, like whoa.  knowing most of the these girls live at home, i have to wonder how on earth they manage to leave the house like that.  my mother would have murdered me.

 the night ended with vomiting compliments of my brother and his friend brandon w., and after joseph was sure they weren’t going to die, he left me to manage the party, which consisted of me falling asleep locked in my room, with only the thought that brandon g.’s items were more valuable than mine if someone decided to steal something.

no excuse

with gifts directly from god, like the dollar/$2.50 section in target, there is no reason not to exercise.

no time? give me a break. i’m in medschool and i do it. and not cause i want to. mostly because if i have the aims of someday advising a patient on how to be healthy, i should probably jump on my own bandwagon. and let’s be honest, i do have some vanity on my side.

it’s hard? no crap. if it was easy, everyone would do it. we’d all be fit and thin

it’s expensive? well, i just managed to get a killer cardio dvd from target (two, actually) for total of $2.50. plus, they had additional workout supplies for a similar price. you don’t need a membership gym to get in shape.  you just need fewer excuses.

today, for instance, i had no drive to work out. i wanted to sit at my computer and play stupid computer games. but it’s times when i think like that….those are the days i should work out the most, because once i start, i realize…this isn’t so bad. (but don’t misunderstand me, it’s still bad while i’m doing it.)  once you’re done, there are few things that feel so gratifying – both in accomplishing a goal and the stress relief it provides. unless we’re talking like strawberry or pumpkin cheesecake. that’s way more gratifying.

not a cinderella story

this is why i don’t want boys over. and i use boys literally.

my intial irritation began with donnie having people over last night. sunday night. the night before my brother, brandon and i all go to work in the morning. i’m still confused as to why this was thought to even be possibly okay. nevertheless, i tolerated it. i did however, tell them to quit smoking in the house when i walked in the door. i am so tough.

anyway, i eventually fell asleep. unbeknownst to pretty much anyone in the house, ajay, our 17 year old next door neighbor beat up the “krazykorean” in our front yard. i knew that they had gotten into a fight, but not that this occured in my front yard. how did i find out? well goodness, it’s because the police called me this evening. then the same police called my brother. awesome.

entertaining point? as i eavesdropped on my brother’s conversation, this cop asked how old donnie was. matt replied with 21. then the cop asked the question i have been wondering since these boys moved in…”why is donnie hanging out with these younger guys?”

most of the reason, i know, is that they all live close by (i.e. next door). however, this is just the crap i don’t want happening. i have told matt again and again, that i am not putting my life in jeapordy for these kids. i mean, really, the next party that happens here, if i don’t know them, and they’re not 21, they can leave.

i will add that the krazykorean is a wackjob. he still didn’t deserve to be beaten to a pulp. sick. i wonder if there is blood on my lawn. sigh.

 update: i figured i should clear up the issue – this actually was not matt’s fault for once.  matthew was also soundly asleep in bed. not that this couldn’t come from his doing at some other point. also, my mom got a call from the cops. yikes!